I got an email from a Reader recently and she told me that the Love of her life had passed away recently and she wasn’t sure if she would ever be able to meet someone as amazing as him again. And after reading this email, I got to thinking about death and loss in general. So today’s blog, we’re going to talk about relationships, letting them go and staying open to Love after you’ve lost someone. And then at the end I’m going to post an amazing Letter from Baba Ram Dass about death that moves me to tears every time I read it.
I believe that we have many different soul mates in each lifetime. And a soul mate doesn’t have to be just a lover. Friends, family, pets – all these can be soul mates. And specifically when it comes to romance, I also believe we have many different soul mates and each person’s path is utterly unique. I can’t even begin to imagine what you have been born to learn, create and give to this world – that is between you and The Uni-verse. What I can say with 100% certainty is that the energy of Love never changes, though many times the face of Love does.
When we get hurt, it doesn’t matter what the hurt is or where it comes from; it’s natural to want to close off to shut down and to think that there is no way that the future could be better than the past. And if we don’t have a vision for a compelling future, then we start to slowly die. If you’ve lost someone that you love, just because you can’t see the horizon right now, doesn’t mean there isn’t a magical moment that is there for you, beginning with right now.
The story that we don’t think there will ever be anyone better is a very convenient story I see many people use as an excuse to shut down and not risk loving and, most importantly, hurting again. But we have to be open to let Love in, which means we also let in the pain. They go together. Being open to Love means we risk being open to pain. But the seeker on the Path doesn’t shut down knowing this – no, they open up and become even stronger! We are being called not to give up on Love, but give in to Love and become stronger by doing so.
If you’ve lost someone close to you, where is the gift in his or her death? What is he/she teaching you even now? And what new story would you like to tell to be open to love again? This is our Path and it’s beautiful, even with the pain. The pain helps us grow and it pushes us towards letting go and seeing even this moment as perfect. Below the anger, the sadness and the hurt – there is a quivering silent knowing that all is as it should be.
I have lost people close to me and I've had friends abandon me . But those moments do not define me. What defines me is what I do about those moments and choose to live my life in a way that honors those that have moved on. Know that rejection is redirection and see failures as the ultimate learning experiences. A moment of tragedy can happen and does happen to us, but the real tragedy isn't what happened – the real tragedy is getting stuck in what happened and choosing to give up on life. Life, my friends, is for the living – we are here to shine, to give our gifts and to be the presence of Love on the planet.
No pain is greater than the Love that is within us – and when we tap into that, we will forever be connected to those that mean the most to us, whether they are with us or not.
I am going to leave you with an amazing letter from Baba Ram Dass, please feel free to change out the name as it applies to you.
As always, the action happens in the comments below, leave a comment and join the conversation! It’s a GREAT place to get support!
Love,
Farheen Shaikh
Baba Ram Dass Letter
Your father finished his work on earth and left the stage in a manner that leaves those of us left behind with a cry of agony in our heart as the fragile thread of our faith is dealt with so unexpectedly. Is anyone strong enough to stay conscious through such teachings as you are receiving? Probably very few, and even they would only have a whisper of equanimity and peace amidst the screaming trumpets of their rage, grief, horror and desolation. I can’t assuage your pain with any words, nor should I. For your pain is your Father’s legacy to you, not that he or I would inflict such pain by choice, but there it is. And it must burn its purifying way to completion, for something in you dies when you bear the unbearable. It is only in that dark night of the soul that you are prepared to see as God sees, and to love as God loves.
Now is the time to let your grief find expression, no falses friend. Now is the time to sit quietly and speak to your father and thank him for being with you for these years and encourage him to go on with whatever his work is. Knowing that you will grow in compassion and wisdom from this experience. In my heart I know that you and he will meet again and again and recognize the many ways in which you have known each other, and when you meet you will know in a flash what now it is not given to you to know: why this had to be the way it was.
Our rational minds can never understand what has happened, but our hearts if we keep them open to God will find their own intuitive way. Your father came to do his work on earth, which includes his manner of death. Now his soul is free and the love that you can share with him is invulnerable to the winds of changing time and space, in that deep love, include me.
In love,
Ram Dass
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